If you haven’t been watching the HBO sensation Insecure…slap yourself! You are truly missing out on one of the most riveting and socially relative shows on television right now! Season two is currently airing and boy does it have everybody talking about relationships, cheating, breakups, and rebounds. I think every man and woman can relate to the characters in some way or another. I know I can. LET’S ARGUE!!! LOL!
Let me start off by saying that there are MANY spoilers in this blog so READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!
OK, so let’s get to the stuff that matters. I have to reiterate how much I LOVE this show. I guess because I feel triggered in just about every episode. I can relate to Issa, Molly, Lawrence, and Tasha in some way or another. Let’s face it, life is hard and to be COMPLETELY honest it is even harder as an African-American woman in America trying to date, maintain friendships/relationships/careers and not be tagged as the “Angry Black Woman” when we have a bad day. It is FREAKING hard! However, that is not an excuse for making bad decisions and MANY bad decisions are being made by the Insecure Fantastic Four.
Issa troubles my soul. She is making so many bad decisions right now. In season one her relationship with Lawrence hit a downward spiral due to Lawrence’s lack of drive, unemployment and overall negative attitude towards his own life direction. As most GOOD girlfriends try to do, we try to build our men up and try to get them to recognize their own greatness. I use the word ‘try’ because that is all we can do. We can’t make them see their own greatness or feel better but we put the fire under their tail to help them see it for themselves. Issa was feeling some type of way about Lawrence and to be honest, a shiftless man is a huge turn off so I totally understand why she was feeling the way she was towards Lawrence. I have never dated a man who wasn’t hard working but I have heard stories and know men who fit the description. Let me just say, there is nothing attractive about a man with no ambition or drive.
Sometimes we can want more for our partner than they want for themselves. I have been there, done that, got the t-shirt! Nobody wins when that happens.
Back to Issa…In season one we saw Issa struggling in her career and her relationship. It is obvious she loves Lawrence but wants more. There is nothing wrong with wanting to move on from an unfulfilling relationship. Life is too short. I mean her boyfriend forgot her d@mn birthday! Birthdays are a big deal for me and forgetting my birthday or finding “other” things to do on my birthday is a reason for me to have major disdain for you! I have experienced this and I resented this former partner for a long time for committing this very offense. NEVER FORGET OR DISREGARD MY BIRTHDAY!
HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY
Dishonesty in relationships/situationships is the match that fuels the fire of catastrophe and that is when things can get UGLY!!! In my opinion, Issa was a bit of a coward. Why? Because it is easy to develop physical and emotional affairs behind your partner’s back without telling them what the real problem is. If you are unhappy with the relationship… LEAVE!! Oftentimes the person who is cheating is holding on to their partner for many reasons (they still love/care about them, finances, security, etc.). However, in most cases, holding on to a current partner while cheating is to use that person/relationship to make a clean break into a new situation or relationship and not have to deal with “feelings” from the old relationship. The “new” person is a distraction from the true issue.
PS: It is not easy telling someone you care about you no longer want to be with them. But lying is a cowards way out. DON’T BE A LIAR…DON’T BE A COWARD!
The individual with any kind of integrity would break things off with their partner before pursuing a new dating situation or relationship with someone else. Sidenote: Some people want to ensure that the grass is greener on the other side before they fully commit to ending a relationship. This is why you may be offered the “let’s be friends.” peace offering after a breakup. It is basically a placeholder for in the event the “other” person doesn’t work out OR for them to ease their guilty conscious. I realize that some former partners can be friends after a breakup. That is fine and dandy but for those that can’t, understand that you are a “placeholder” aka Plan B when you agree to be friends with an ex and you are not ready or unable to handle it. DON’T BE A PLAN B!
Lawrence! Lawrence! Lawrence! My GAWD! What is you doing baby?? Initially, I felt bad for Lawrence. He seemed like a good dude who was simply down on this luck and trying hard to get his app off of the ground. The thing with Lawrence was that he was only focusing on the long-term but not the short term as well. I think it is great he wants to do something like creating an app that will change lives of those who use it but bills still need to be paid. I own my own business (shameless plug) but I still need to work my current full-time job because I have to pay for the car I drive, the home I live in, and support the excessive lifestyle (lol). One day my business will afford me the luxury to work full time creating candles and Shea butter but until then I need to get that corporate paper! Lawrence eventually settled for a job at Best Buy to offset his long unemployment streak. In the beginning of season two Lawrence’s true f*ck boy tendencies begin to surface when he is shown having “sleepovers” on the weekends at Tasha’s house and going back to his air mattress at his boy Chad’s house. Lawrence is officially a “hobosexual”.
Yes! I went Urban Dictionary on yall! I had to. What better way to explain a mess of a man like Lawrence. Not only is he using Tasha for sex but he is also using her to get over being heartbroken and the end of his relationship. Lawrence is where he is, not because he wanted to be there but more so because he was forced into this situation. Keep in mind he didn’t want the breakup, but he would have been a fool to act like Issa’s cheating didn’t happen. What he should have done is take some time to heal and deal.
Like so many men and women who are fresh out of a relationship, they get into new relationships or situationships to dull the pain of heartbreak. They find an easy rebound. It may be someone they already know or someone they have been venting to about their relationship issues. They are easy targets. Often times these targets are within one click of a mouse (social media & dating apps). I call these types of “relationships” BAND-AID RELATIONSHIPS. No explanation needed. The WALKING WOUNDED mess of a person in these “band-aid relationships” doesn’t consider the other person’s feelings – just their own. They will take you along for the ride as long as you let them. They are still hung up on their ex, hurt, upset and disappointment all while using you as their crutch to release their plethora of emotional baggage on.
In the first episode of season two, Lawrence shows up to Issa’s home after his date with Tasha. It’s late, Issa is cleaning up after hosting a party earlier that night so you know it’s late. So predictable! What did you expect to happen? I COULD HAVE SWORN THAT SCENE WAS FROM MY VERY OWN BIO! How many times will a man or woman immediately start dating a new person but not done with their ex? Too many! I am fully aware of the overlappers who process the breakup before it happens due to them already being emotionally and/or physically invested with their new partner. Issa was definitely close to being an overlapper but her cover was blown as soon as her affair with Daniel started. KARMA!!
I get it and understand that you want to move on and get back out there to forget about the hurt and pain from a breakup. It’s ok to date but be clear and honest about where you are emotionally before you get someone else involved with you emotionally. COMMUNICATE!!! It is unfair to string someone along and if you are the rebound, make it your business to be VERY clear on where you stand with that person. IF you are looking for a relationship, dating someone who just got out of a relationship may not be your best bet. They need time to heal and deal and it is not your job to be their “healer”.
Poor Tasha! No, I don’t mean as in feel sorry for her but like girl get your life! I have been Tasha before so I am not going to front. I have been the girl who unknowingly dated a guy who wasn’t over a previous relationship until his actions and words showed me that he needed to heal himself before he could take on a woman like me. That is another story! Tasha was digging Lawrence since season one and was the girl from the bank who truly made him feel good about himself. When Lawrence told Tasha about the tech app she lit up and encouraged him to go for it. That is all good but what often happens in relationships like Lawrence and Issa’s, is that the “Lawrence” of the relationship is feeling sorry for himself and expecting constant reassurance that he is great and excessive support not realizing that his partner is tired of their shenanigans. It’s not that Issa didn’t want to support him, it was her need for him to have some motivation and drive to go out and get it. Let me just say as a woman there’s nothing sexier than a man on his grind!
Lawrence needed a motivational speech that said something like: “Hey man get your ish together and make it happen!” Instead, he was sulking and waiting for something to magically happen. Ok, he did eventually get a job at Best Buy… I know. It was only until he would receive outside validation from Tasha that he started to “feel good” about himself. Now I do believe whole-heartedly in supporting your partner when they are down and out. Support goes a long way and that is one of the essentials of a relationship. However, one must understand that YOU are responsible for what you bring to the relationship. Lawrence didn’t realize his full potential. He failed to realize that he is smart, he is kind and he is important! He was settling for self-mediocrity and was letting Issa carry the load for as long as she would allow it. Lawrence was low-functioning on the self-awareness spectrum! He had no idea how he was contributing to the state of his relationship with Issa.
I digress. Back to Tasha. I’m sure a lot of women can relate to being Tasha at some point in their lives but I have to say that inviting a man who only comes through on the weekends and never takes you out does not necessarily make him family-cookout-eligible. But I get it. She was developing strong feelings for Lawrence and wanted him to be her plus one. He was like a pseudo-boyfriend…boyfriend adjacent (lol). This is a clear example of how our hearts overriding logic. What made it REALLY ridiculous is that Lawrence dipped out on the cookout to go to a lame hangout with his co-workers.
He was truly overwhelmed by Tasha’s family shenanigans. I can’t blame him. I mean there was a twerking flutist. Good Lawd! And to make matters much worse than they were, she had Lawrence helping Auntie out of the Metro Mobility van! Come on girl, he just got there and you already putting him to work like he knew these people! He was clearly overwhelmed and quickly hauled @$$ out of there! Girl bye! However, Lawrence was lame for not keeping his word by not coming back to the cookout like he said he would. Again JUST BE HONEST!! Integrity is in my DNA so I can’t allow myself to string someone along or do things that go against my moral code. Am I perfect? NO! But I ALWAYS check myself when recognize that I am not “on code” with myself.
I was mad at Tasha before this. After Lawrence confessed to sleeping with Issa, this fool turned around and made him a plate of food when he tried to sulk his way back into her life and apologize for bringing her into the middle of his unhealed shenanigans. I hate to say how much I can relate to that scenario. How does one make you feel bad for something HE did? Trust me, it happens. This is why you have to understand that a man or woman who recently got out of a relationship is unable to give you what you need so soon – especially if they didn’t want the breakup. This can also be applied to those who break things off as well. As my therapist told me, you must debrief the relationship and take time to consider your role in the failed relationship and focus on YOU! You are only as good as your last relationship. If you got out of a bad relationship and 2 months later you are already posted up on social media with a new partner, you are one or two things, 1) a cheater or 2) serial boyfriend/girlfriend. BONUS! 3) You can’t be alone so you always need to be with someone.
Lawrence showed how trill his f*ckboy tendencies were when he told Tasha he was leaving to go to hang with his co-workers and would return later. He never came back. When Tasha called him out on his lack of integrity, in true F boy style, he had an excuse but he did admit he was wrong for what he did ( but too little too late). Then it happened, Tasha pulled a Beyonce YOU-MUST-NOT-KNOW-BOUT-ME move and told Lawrence he is a “F*ck n*gga that THINKS he is a good dude.” I almost dropped my glass of wine when she said that! I was so triggered! I recall uttering those same words to an ex. How dare you poke your chest out proclaiming yourself to be a good man when you lack integrity and have proven yourself to be dishonest? BONUS -HEAVY COMMUNITY INVOLVEMENT DOES NOT MAKE A MAN A GOOD MAN! STAY WOKE! Don’t fall for the community activist that is holding babies, shaking hands and posting motivational quotes on social media. GOOD DEEDS do not equivocate to a GOOD MAN! Keep it in perspective. A man can love his mama, give her the world and still mistreat women. Guys like Lawrence poke their chest out proclaiming how good of a man they are but when the opportunity to screw someone over arises or they have the option of having their cake and eat it too, they are the first in line like LADIES FREE UNTIL MIDNIGHT at the club! Good day Sir!
PS: Protect your energy! If you are dating someone who recently ended a long term relationship, it is YOUR responsibility to guard your heart. It is ridiculous to expect him or her to tell you how they feel or where the situationship is heading. Yes it would be nice if they were upfront but it doesn’t always work like that. Be fully aware that this person may not be ready for what you are ready for and that is ok. Just understand that your heart is at stake and you deserve to be with someone who values your presence in their life. Don’t settle for the rebound relationship …rebounds are for basketball games!
Now on to Good Golly Ms. Molly. I can’t with her. In the beginning of this season, I felt that she was more settled and trying to be a better person. Last season she was all over the place so I was happy to see her focused on her career, dating a nice young fellow and of course helping her bestie navigate her life post-breakup from Lawrence. WRONG!!! It’s amazing how out past always finds a way to come back and greet us so unexpectedly. A childhood friend Alejandro aka ‘Dro’ is seen posted up with Molly at a day party a few episodes ago and it’s obvious the two of them are feeling one another. I mean Dro has an undeniable charisma about himself I must say but he lost me when he told Molly he was in an open marriage and that his wife is cool with him seeing other people. Hmmm…okay! Not sure how much of Dro’s story that I believe. I can’t wait to see how this all plays out. I mean by now we all know that after little convincing, Molly and Dro get it on after Molly finds out her father was unfaithful to her mother! It was a moment of vulnerability and a perfect excuse for her to carry out her desire to sleep with Dro. It was bound to happen sooner or later.
Despite Molly’s bad-decision making throughout season 2, I can say that her struggle for equal pay in her career as an attorney was something that not only women can identify with but African American women are often underpaid and overlooked by our white counterparts across the spectrum. After she accidentally sees her colleagues (white male) paycheck and finds out he makes significantly more than her, she is understandably bothered and she should have been! There’s nothing more disappointing is finding out that you are being underpaid and you have just as much if not more skills and qualifications to get the job done than colleagues making more than you based on gender and race.
Finally
This blog was long but I had quite a bit to cover. As I mentioned before, this season took me deep down into the abyss of Triggerville and I can honestly say that I am glad to see a television show that addresses the multi-faceted lives of women like myself, relationship drama and the consequences of the decisions we make in life. This show’s platform has created a space for a lot of conversation between men and women. I am in a few Insecure discussion groups and it is interesting to see various perspectives on all of the WTF/OH SH*T!! moments that occur in each episode.
This blog was not only about the show Insecure but an avenue for us to look at ourselves and how the decisions we make in life are a true reflection of who we are. Issa’s pivotal mirror rap sessions are indicative of how one should motivate themselves in any given situation. I love how she will look in the mirror and rap to herself some type of self-motivating chant! ” Are you Khaleesi or that other b*h whose name I don’t know?!” Classic!
Although this show is labeled fictitious from an entertainment perspective, it is definitely a reality for many of its viewers. What characters do you relate to most on Insecure?
Until next time…
The Honest Aquarian
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The Honest Aquarian 