The narcissist always gets what they want. They move on effortlessly to their next target, and suddenly they have the life they would never give to your – dream wedding, children, dream job, etc. Meanwhile, you are picking up the pieces of the disaster of a relationship they ran away from with true cowardice. STOP!! That kind of thinking is why we continuously remain in the vicious cycle of narcissistic abuse. We hold on to the belief that they get what they want and we don’t.
What you need to understand is that narcissists are relationship predators. They are fraudulent, and their intentions are not pure. Narcissists gravitate to good people to break them down while making themselves feel empowered and in control. They must be in control of the relationship at all times. They are incredibly insecure which is why they expect their partners to coddle every one of their insecurities while they exploit their partner’s vulnerabilities without hesitation. From the outside, the narcissist puts up a pretty good front. They look like the model son, brother, father, husband, colleague. Narcissists are pretty darn good at what they do – up to a certain extent.
So why does the narcissist always get what they want? Why is it that the life they never gave to you, they freely give to someone else effortlessly? That is easy to explain. The narcissist isn’t treating the new person “better” per se . They are adjusting their script. They are mirroring the new person and like I mentioned in previous blogs, narcissists are chameleons. They can switch things up depending on their environment. Narcissists are very charming, and they know how to make themselves look good in any circumstance but that doesn’t mean that they look good. The narcissist will intentionally do things for their new partner that they wouldn’t do for you to make you feel badly. This is why it is important you don’t look at their social media accounts!! Ignorance is bliss!! We somehow convince ourselves that they are living a fabulous life without us. Here’s the thing a narcissist is a narcissist is a narcissist! It doesn’t matter who they are with. They do enough to trap you into their web and then they change on you. How is that treating someone better?
PS – The same way the narcissist wouldn’t do certain things for you, they won’t do for their new partner. So don’t focus and compare what the narcissist didn’t do for you and what they did for their new partner. It is all a mind game. Narcissists live their lives manipulating people and situations so no matter how much you try to make sense of their actions, it will NEVER make sense.
For empaths, it may seem like we don’t get what we want because we are always giving. We give in all of our relationships, and we want to help everybody. We are healers. Because of that, we attract people who need healing. This puts us into the danger zone of relationships, and unfortunately, this great attribute that we possess is exploited by people with bad intentions. This is why it may seem like we don’t get what want. We are so busy giving to others that we rarely give to ourselves. I had to learn through my journey over the past couple of years, that in order to get what I want, I had to put myself first. Not in a selfish way, but I had to eliminate toxic people out of my life who were using my kindness for weakness.
Now, I can say I have what I want and that is peace! I have so much peace knowing that I am surrounded by the people who deserve to be in my space. I NOW know that my presence is a gift and will only be shared with those who matter to me and treat me with love, kindness and respect. That doesn’t mean emotional vampires won’t come my way (because they have), it simply means I know how to follow my instincts when I see red flags and protect my peace. I used to keep people around out of loyalty and take the good with the bad. I am an Aquarius we are loyal to a fault!
Just because the narcissist gets what he or she wants, doesn’t mean they are winning. They have manipulated, love bombed and connived their way to get what they want. This is easy to do when you don’t feel remorse for hurting others and you convince yourself that what you are doing isn’t wrong. The narcissist wants you to believe they are winning. The narcissist wants you to think that you didn’t deserve their best but their new partner does. Please do not give in to that type of negative self-talk. DENOUNCE IT NOW!!!
I have learned that some people are more compatible in relationships than others which is why some relationships work out, and others don’t. However, when it comes to the narcissist, that is not the case. Nearly all of their relationships are disastrous. Keep in mind that just because they are in a relationship, it doesn’t mean it is a healthy one. It doesn’t necessarily mean their partners are happy. Social media posts of pictures documenting their “soulmate” love and adoration for one another, doesn’t mean that the grass is greener and they are a happy couple. Narcissists are great pretenders and they know they are living a pretentious life and they are hoping nobody especially their partners figures them out so even if they are “happy” it isn’t true happiness. Their relationship was built on the foundation of deceit, manipulation and lies.
The narcissist is the magician and their new life is the magic show. Your life with them was a magic show to the person before you. I remember being a kid and watching magicians on television and in real-life at school carnivals perform a magic tricks. I was amazed and excited as each magic trick was successfully pulled off without a hitch! As far as I was concerned that had special powers and it was real. It wasn’t until I was a little older when I realized that the magic shows I thought were real, were fake and the magician was someone mastered the art of illusion or read Magic Tricks for Dummies (Lol). The narcissist has mastered the art of illusion and pulls off magic tricks throughout the entire relationship until you finally catch on. The narcissist was the magician, and I was the kid at the magic show, amazed and excited by the narcissist’s magic tricks.
It took me some time to dismantle the belief that the person I was in love with was a narcissist and I was a pawn in his magic show. He was skillful and crafty. He was a master manipulator and intentional with everything he did. Don’t let the narcissist tell you that they didn’t mean to hurt you. They mean it and they love seeing your reaction every time they hurt you. “Why would someone do that?” you ask. They do it because they have convinced themselves that you did something wrong to them and you deserve their harsh punishment, maltreatment and verbal abuse. This is why they can sleep at night while you are awake in emotional pain and hurt by their actions. They play magic tricks on themselves too! They are delusional and unable to function with logic.
Once you realize that the narcissist is a magician and your time with them was merely a front row seat to the narcissist Siegfried and Roy-esque magic show, you will understand that it wasn’t your fault and you didn’t deserve that kind of treatment from someone who claimed to love you. Yes, it will hurt to know that the person you thought loved and cared about you only “loved” you because of what you could give to them and worked hard for their love while they reciprocated nothing; but you will heal and move forward with your life once you understand the narcissist mind and how they treat people. It has ZERO to do with you and your value. It is all about the narcissist, and how broken they are and the maladaptive behaviors hidden beneath their surface. They can adapt to their environments long enough to fool those around them, but behind the scenes, they show their maladaptive behaviors in full force.
When you make peace with your past and fully understand what happened during your time with the narcissist, make a vow to yourself to never participate in another “magic show” again.
I hope this helps!
Email me or comment below! I would love to hear from you! Until next time,
xoxo
The Honest Aquarian
The Honest Aquarian 