Fall 2016 my life went into shambles! I was at an all-time low. It wasn’t easy, but I slowly but surely picked myself up and got my ish together. I can’t take all of the credit. I have some pretty amazing women in my circle who held me up when I was down. The numerous phone calls, emotional breakdowns, and vent sessions were my daily regimen. Instead of harboring negative feelings/emotions, I decided to write. Writing is indeed one of my many passions. It is a form of therapy I have grown to utilize when I feel the need to release. I started this blog because I am on an incredible journey right now.
The insanity that was once apart of my life is now my story…my blessing. Had these things not occurred, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I would still be somewhere mad, upset and feeling that life was unfair to only ME. I was carrying on like I was the only one in the world with problems. Yikes! Just thinking about it makes me cringe. The obstacles that brought my life to a standstill was only the beginning of my journey to self-awareness. I have a lot to say, and I want to share my story with anybody who has a listening ear. I wrote this blog to let you know that it is never too late to change or be better than you were yesterday.
I want this blog to change someone’s life for the better so if one person finds some kind of life-changing nugget from this, I have done my job! I am not an expert…just rich in life experience. This blog is the first of my self-awareness series. I am an Aquarius; we are natural humanitarians and LOVE to help people. I am also an introvert and hide from people! How crazy is that? HA! Ok, let’s get this party started! Ready, Set, GO!!
Life’s Challenges Are a Catalyst to Self-Awareness
Fall 2016 my life went from sugar to sh*t real quick!!! I was dealing with a lot of personal issues such as my job, my relationship and making matters worse; I was slowly recovering from a myomectomy (removal of uterine fibroids) in July. My life was in complete shambles! I watched every aspect of my life crumble right before me, and I felt like I had no control over what was happening to me. I felt like a helpless victim to my circumstances and that nobody could ever understand my life and my issues. I was a mess! I couldn’t understand why my life had taken such a downward spiral so quickly.
I consider myself to be a very RESILIENT person who can manage stressful situations well but this I couldn’t shake. It was like LIFE was the bowling ball, and I was one of the pins. I felt knocked down! The STRIKE of anger, disappointment, failure and hurt hit me all at once. Why me? I was living in a state of reactivity.
I finally decided that I was going to navigate through my life’s challenges the best way I knew how so I had to come to a complete STOP, take a good look at myself and dig DEEP!!! It was painful, uncomfortable and scary. It still is. Did I mention it is excruciating and uncomfortable?? It was during this time I began my journey-the journey to true self-awareness.
What is Self Awareness? Look in the Mirror.
Self-awareness is merely the awareness of SELF. To be self-aware is how we perceive what motivates us, our strengths, weaknesses and character, personality, thoughts, and emotions. You can also find more info about self-awareness here. Take a few minutes to reflect on how these variables make up your views on your self-awareness and how they currently affect your life. Remember this is about YOU. What immediately comes to mind? Helpful Hint: The journey to self-awareness is no cake walk. You will have highs and lows. You will uncover some things that may cause uneasiness and discomfort, but it doesn’t stop there. If you allow the process to work and slowly peel back the layers that you were once incognizant of, you will start to see yourself as the remarkable person that you are.
Let’s dig a little deeper shall we?
- What does my character say about me?
- What do others say about me?
- What motivates me?
- What are my goals and ambitions?
- What are my strengths?
- What area(s) of my life could be improved?
- What things do I value in life?
- How do I feel about myself?
Self-Awareness = Introspection
Self-awareness forces us to examine our thoughts and feelings, also known as introspection. As you read this blog, take time to answer the questions about yourself. If you can’t answer the questions now, make the time to answer them later in a quiet space (no distractions). Introspection aka “soul searching” allows you to think about how you process your own thoughts and behaviors. I strongly encourage you to document your answers in a journal or note cards so you can refer back to it later and see your progress. Introspection is one of many steps in self-awareness. It is like you are interviewing yourself for that dream job-a BETTER YOU!
What Self-Awareness is NOT…
Being self-aware is not the absence of mistakes,but the ability to learn and correct them. ~Daniel Chidiac
So… we talked about the good, let’s talk about the bad. Do you know someone who ALWAYS blames other people for the things that go wrong in their life? EVERYTHING is because of someone else! They are never wrong, make no mistakes or take ownership for their actions. Sadly, individuals who behave this way have not dealt with their “stuff” and didn’t want to face the music of accountability. Accountability for some is a huge blow to the ego, so blame-shifting helps them avoid having to walk around with a bruised ego, hence allowing them to stand tall in their falsified sense of importance. *We will talk about that in another blog post.*
Be Honest…With Yourself!
Do you find yourself blame-shifting your mistakes or issues on to others when something negative happens in your life? Statements like ” If my husband would just listen to me I wouldn’t have cursed him out yelled at him.” or “It’s not my fault that I am perfect people don’t understand me or accept me for who I am!” I was very guilty of this in my younger years. I didn’t want to assume responsibility in arguments with family members, relationships, friendships, colleagues, you name it. I was a mess! I didn’t want to feel sorry about what I did due to my own insecurities and fragile ego so shifting blame allowed me to feel like a victim justified in my actions. I never had to be wrong about anything I said or did because people were doing things to ME! As I got older and wiser, I recognized that I was a HUGE part of the problem. But before I came to the realization I was the problem, I continued living this way for years. I didn’t want to take ACCOUNTABILITY for what happened in my life. However, I was accountable for my life. PERIOD. It had absolutely nothing to do with anyone else. Blame shifting only made me a victim! It was comfortable and EASY!
Major Key Alert!!
The key to overcoming self-victimization is being brutally honest yet kind to yourself! Helpful Hint: Being hard on yourself is counterproductive to the process. Please be kind to yourself. PS: DO NOT allow others to be hard on you or shame you while you are going through the process!!!
Choose wisely when it comes to confiding in the masses about your journey.
Some will understand, some may not. The people who understand your journey are usually high in self-awareness so they appreciate your journey and will support you. They will be honest with you and come from a place of empathy and compassion. Those who do not understand or downplay your journey most likely have their own unresolved “stuff” and chances are they are not functioning from a space of self-awareness. They will most likely tell you to “Just get over it!” OR ” You are just too sensitive.” OR try to shame you for your feelings and expressing them. Helpful Hint: Sometimes people who tell you to just get over it tend to suppress their own feelings and live in a state of emotional avoidance. This is not true for all cases but in my personal experiences it was the common denominator when it came to those who told me to just “get over it”.
At some point, you WILL get over it but with TIME. This journey is not a race, and you shouldn’t beat yourself up when you see yourself falling back into old habits. Change takes time and effort. Studies show that it takes at least 66 days for a pattern to become ingrained. So don’t be hard on yourself when you don’t see immediate changes. Remember you have been behaving and thinking a certain way for years!
I confided in a close friend about how badly I felt about reacting to a situation last week. Someone did something I didn’t like, and it emotionally triggered me. I spoke with my friend about it and started getting down on myself. She told me something so profound! She said to me, ” It’s all a process!! You don’t grow overnight. The fact that you are in such a healthier, happier place in 3 months time is amazing!! It takes years sometimes for people to get to where they want to be. Be proud of yourself for what you have accomplished. It’s a journey…not a race!!! Grow in it and it stays with you for life!!” SHE totally gets it!
It took time and me talking to a therapist (I will talk about this in part 2) about my “stuff” before even getting to this point. I have been this way for 39 years so changing my old thoughts and behaviors won’t change overnight. I am taking baby steps and celebrating my accomplishments as they come.
Finally…
I sincerely hope this blog has helped you in some shape or form. I am not an expert, but I do speak from experience. Next week’s blog (part 2) will discuss emotional triggers (the things that remind us of past painful events) and how self-awareness helps identify our triggers.
I would love to hear from you. Please post a comment below and tell me what you think about today’s topic.
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The Honest Aquarian 